Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
