oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
