There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
cat food counts as protein by the way
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
