i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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