I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
