what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
