Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
