just come out here and I will go home with you...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
