hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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