OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
