my being single is dangerous.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
