I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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