He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
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