guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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