I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
