I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
