Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
