No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
