I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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