We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
