i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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