In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
