The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
