Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
