Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You are the jesus of drinking
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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