It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
