My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
