im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
