i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
