i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
