I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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