my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
