Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
