my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
