My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
