Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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