every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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