FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
