now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
