I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
