She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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