I bet he comes in French.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Shame - the story of my life.
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