I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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