I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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