oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
