The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
