saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
