I need help removing her.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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