what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am midnight drunk by noon
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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