I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
