ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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