is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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