just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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