Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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