You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
