She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
