Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
