He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
